“I Fell in Love While Chasing My Dreams… Now What?”
Weird question, right?
“Now what” implies that falling in love wasn’t your main goal. For some people, it is, and that’s great. For others, such as myself, however, a relationship was a distant goal rather than a focus; college/career took precedence. My college choice was about personal growth, career possibilities, and goal fulfillment. If a relationship came along, that was a nice bonus. I love that mentality!
Then, I met my fiancé during freshman year of college.
Funny how things work out. We worked together in my first semester; by my second semester, we were dating. And let me just say, choosing to date my fiancé was one of the best decisions I ever made! He’s hardworking, good to me, and so supportive of my goals and dreams (can’t help but brag on him a little ;).
Beyond the “mushy” stuff, though, I was faced with the new time-management challenge of balancing my relationship and personal goals. I found myself wondering, “How does this change things?” How would my long-term relationship change the trajectory of my college experience, or would it at all?
To an extent, there’s no way to perfectly predict something like that. However, I did find that the two areas of life can coexist. This significant discovery reassures those who are prioritizing career/college dreams for their current life stage. Then, your focus can be on balancing your relationship and personal goals. This effort requires investment toward the health of each – boundary-setting, communication, etc. As a result, both partners involved can pursue personal goals while remaining happy and fulfilled.
Sound like you? Let’s talk about it! I’ve broken down both areas – Relationship and Career/College – into discussion points. Consider these when balancing your relationship and personal goals – these different-yet-integral areas of life. After all, the goal is to grow into well-rounded people; this is just one step to tending to that dream!
Relationship:
- Supportive Partner.
This falls under basic requirements on the boyfriend application (at least, it definitely would if there was one). A truly considerate boyfriend/girlfriend will support your goals and ambitions! They’ll listen to your excitement, keep you on track, and accept the same in return.
On that note, support goes both ways. Mutual support means you both put in effort to acknowledge the other’s goals. This protects your relationship as a safe space where you can both talk about your dreams and even share them together.
- Clear Communication.
This one’s just about letting your partner know where you stand. Not that you have to lay out your 50-year plan on the second date; just be up front when the time arises. In most cases, it’ll often come up in casual conversation. “What are your goals?” “What would you like to do in the future?” Ask plenty of questions, and be willing to answer similar questions yourself. As the relationship gets more serious, then start delving into the specifics: “Where do you plan to live after college?” “Does marriage potentially fit in with your dream career path?”
- Allow your partner the same freedom that you’re asking from them.
If you’re dating in a serious, potentially long-term relationship, then you both might be in similar life stages. You’re both chasing goals, both have ideas of what the future will look like. All of this probably originated before the other was in the picture. Ask (and be genuinely interested in) what your boyfriend / girlfriend wants to do.
- Acknowledge that their dreams existed before you entered their life.
If they’re serious about you, chances are you’re now part of their motivation for those dreams. Find balance together rather than apart from each other.
Career / College
- Maintain healthy boundaries.
This point could really fall under either category, but it tremendously impacts the crucial area of “Career/College.” Make time for homework, even if that means staying in for an evening. Politely say “no” to your partner, and accept when they must say “no” to you as well. Balance your time. This will allow you the personal reassurance that, regardless of what happens with your relationship, your personal investment into your future is protected. You’ll be amazed how much confidence that gives you and how much of a relief boundaries are for your relationship!
- Check in with yourself.
What results are you seeing in your life? Are you happy with the time you’re dedicating to your relationship and other commitments? If you find an area lacking, how can you help foster growth? These can be hard questions (and, trust me, no one gets it all perfect), but they’re beneficial. In the process of asking these questions, don’t forget to check on yourself too. Are you feeling fulfilled or drained from your current routine? Do you need to redirect a little time from your relationship to personal relaxation? Take yourself into account! Successful people don’t run on self-neglect.
- Remember that it all comes with practice.
I don’t know a single couple – old or young – that didn’t stay up too late and regret it the next morning when the alarm went off. There’s no perfect way to do things, and every couple grows more mature with time. The consistency is what counts. Get to know your partner, and be open to these conversations. They will help you BOTH navigate your individual lives in a cohesive manner. That’s the goal for this stage.
“I fell in love while chasing my dreams… now what?” As we’ve explored this question, I hope you see that the answer is different for everyone. Some general points to consider just help provide honest discussion as a place to start. And remember, above all: be honest with yourself. Your priorities are your priorities; your relationship can help or hinder them. Though it can seem daunting, balancing your relationship and personal goals is a task worth investing in.
Like what you read? Try reading through the list with your partner! See what their thoughts are on these areas. Are there ways you can connect and support each other even more?
Disclaimer: This post is not direction for mending unhealthy/truly toxic relationships. These are consideration points for balancing personal ambition with the time/emotional commitment of a healthy relationship. In order for these points to be valid, you and your partner must be on the same page with your intentions and individual goals. Other, more serious issues might need to be discussed with a professional. Thank you for reading!
If you’re looking for more points to discuss, check out this awesome article I found on How to Balance Love and Career. Also, check out the other articles in my Relationships series!
One response to “Discussion Points: Balancing Your Relationship & Personal Goals”
Thanks this is great info!
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